Strong Militaristic Ass Gun – Patriot Tee
Stand at attention for our most patriotic recruit! Our “Strong Militaristic Ass Gun” tee features our buff donkey mascot who’s ready to serve his country one stubborn step at a time. This jacked jackass stands proud in front of Old Glory, proving that America’s strength comes in all shapes, sizes, and species.
Our four-legged freedom fighter combines military precision with donkey determination. Whether you’re defending democracy or just defending your right to wear ridiculous shirts, this design salutes both your patriotism AND your sense of humor.
Military-Grade Construction:

100% ring-spun cotton that’s as tough as our mascot’s resolve (Sport Grey deploys with 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester; Dark Heather goes tactical with 65% polyester, 35% cotton)
4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²) – battle-tested weight for maximum durability and comfort
Shoulder-to-shoulder taping reinforced like military-grade armor
Quarter-turned to eliminate center crease (because proper uniform standards matter, even for donkeys)
Ethically sourced blanks from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala – global supply chain for American pride

Perfect for veterans with a sense of humor, patriots who don’t take themselves too seriously, or anyone who believes freedom includes the right to wear absurd clothing.
Warning: May cause spontaneous pledges of allegiance, eagle screeches, and overwhelming urges to grill burgers.
Note: White variant may appear slightly off-white – think “dress uniform after a long day of service.”

Deployed Just For You:
This “Strong Militaristic Ass Gun” tee is custom-manufactured especially for you as soon as you enlist your order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to ship it to your base of operations. Just like our military mascot doesn’t rush into battle, we don’t rush our quality control.
Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction – because our patriotic donkey believes in tactical resource management. Thank you for making strategic purchasing decisions that serve both style and sustainability! 🇺🇸💪🔫